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I’ve told you before about my relationship with this Pathetic SPV… but there’s so much to tell, so many plots and events in her life, that I need to go on… I’ll shut up eventually… not yet though.

It so happens that one day she ‘stirred up my heart’… moved me, and so I decided to hire her.  Pathetic SPV had nothing and I needed to hire a messenger.

I’ve never paid minimum wage to anyone… it seems like an insulting figure to me and no one is twisting my arm to pay that wage… it’s there for those greedy bastards who wish to go back in time for slave trading… so the pay wasn’t bad at all for a messenger position, okay?

The job, of course, implied coming and going from here to there… the use of public transportation was the way to go but… Pathetic SPV had a car (which she bought thanks to me)… and, since Pathetic SPV knew she’d ‘moved me’ (yes, I do have a heart in spite of what some people might think), I agreed to pay for gas expenses.

Fully aware of what I was getting myself into… because, regardless of her shoddy background I assumed that, with proper supervision, nothing would happen, right?

I insist that the position required no car, nor any parking fees, nor anything… but I gave in.  Pathetic SPV’s old age got to me and, she’s also part of my tribe so…

When you deal with an SPV, gas expenses become more like paying for tires, oil changes, the car wash, any number of parking fees and… by the time you realize it, the messenger is so freaking expensive that it becomes more of a luxury than a necessity!

When her car was in the shop… which was almost every freaking day, her ‘better-off-alone’ pal drove her around… I mean… I then found myself paying for the Pathetic SPV’s parasite ‘better-off-alone’ pal’s expenses… yeah… that’s the sort of ‘good person’ I am!   I know, now, that this is not being a ‘good person’… that’s plain idiotic, for lack of a better word!

One day, sick of it all, I decided to buy a new car as, the way things were going, I could have paid for a Rolls Royce… her freaking car seemed to need anything and everything and I was paying for it!

It’s not as if she had fooled me all the way… nop… I, sometimes, looked the other way because, had it been somebody else, I would have let that person go in a New York minute!  But, oh well… part of the tribe, remember?

The thing is, with new car and all, she couldn’t make up any more stories about the tires, or the oil, or anything her stupid car might need, right? …yeah, well… she’s an SPV so she’d think of something else to cash from!

For a short-lived nanosecond, I was happy… the car expenses went down by half… but the parking fees and a couple of crashes she had… well, the bills mounted up again.  She even charged me for the tips she’d given out… and I, being such an idiot and all, paid them!

Now, as Pathetic SPV’s home wasn’t very near and she insisted that I didn’t pay her enough (as any SPV who believes that she’s worth so much more) she ate at my house every day (tribe, remember?) and so her parasite ‘better-off-alone’ pal decided that… if Pathetic SPV ate over at my place every day, well… he could too, right?

Nah!  That’s not it yet… hold on to your horses… my ‘keen sense of logic’ goes way beyond belief…

Her parasite ‘better-off-alone’ pal is so incompetent and lazy that he leaves the responsibility of putting bread on the table to his Pathetic SPV.

That’s where I came in for a while.  I’m telling you, it took me a long time to get the ‘S’ as in ‘good person’ off my forehead!  Gosh, so freaking Stupid!

I’ve heard some people say that good deeds should be anonymous or be kept quiet…  I’d have to omit this story if that were true, and I don’t want to… so let me tell you what I gave… then you’ll see how she rewarded me… and, in the end, you’ll agree that… yes-I-am-an-idiot, and-I-admit-it… but you’ll agree with me that this Pathetic SPV deserves another title!  And since I haven’t come up with the one that would best describe her miserable self, she’ll continue being Pathetic SPV for a while… so allow me to report… and bear with me, please…

• I paid for her old car’s expenses and could’ve even paid for a Rolls, remember?
• Provided her with a daily meal (sometimes two), along with her parasite ‘better-off-alone’ pal, of course.
• When money was scarce, she’d ask me to pay her energy bill, water bill or rent… then she’d pay me back a penny at a time… although I, from time to time, let her off the debt.
• I bought a new car for her to use… even though any other employee would have taken the bus.
• I looked the other way when she came up to me with all those fake gas and parking receipts… I mean, there was this time when she even tried to have me believe that the new car needed an oil change!

When I hired someone else in her place, the expenses went down by a third… not by half… but a third!

• Her glasses were shameful so I went and got her a new pair… for free… because she was part of my tribe, remember?  And because I’m so very freaking stupid, of course!
• Pathetic SPV started working part time one day… not passing out on the free meal, of course… not completely brainless!

You see, the poor little thing, was exhausted… all those comings and goings and out on the street all day long drain anyone!   I mean… well… go see if someone else hires you, Princess!

Can you think of a messenger at any other company saying he’s exhausted from being out in traffic and the driving?  I mean, hell!  That’s what he’s being paid for… and she took the job!

• And if being part of my tribe wasn’t important at all… Pathetic SPV seized every opportunity she had to speak ill of me… behind my back, of course… to other employees and to her people (who are my people too, if you take into account that we belong to the same tribe)… that is… behaving like a freaking union leader from some communist country!

Biting the hand that fed her… unbelievable this Pathetic SPV!

• She ‘felt’ she needed extra vacation time, so she took over a month to go across the border… to rest some more.  And I allowed it, of course… the pigheaded, idiotic, stupid me!

Because Wicked Witch SPV invited her over (Stories 1, 3, 4, 16… and counting… yes, so many tales about this other one) and you don’t say no to Wicked Witch… God creates them and they gather ‘round!

• Every day, for approximately two years, she made some comment about my persona… one of those verbal abuses that SPVs always spit to everyone, something like…
• Boy, you look so old today!
• My god, your hair is awful; you’d better go cut it!
• You are so thin that you look sick!

Oh-my-God!  Do you know how many times I’ve bitten my tongue so as not to say what I think about someone? … Why can’t an SPV cut it off, if biting it doesn’t work anymore?  I am more than capable of spitting out whatever comes to my mind too!  I just won’t.

And there’s more, but I guess that does it, and I’m boring myself to death.  No company would do or allow any of this, right?  Do you agree that no one could be more of a ‘good person’ than I am?

But, hold it!  I still won the ‘Award for the Absurd’…

To help her, just a bit more… since she couldn’t stop telling everyone how I didn’t pay her enough… I hired her parasite ‘better-off-alone’ pal to paint the office… market price… not less… yeah, well… since he likes money but he’s no working material, he began to complain that I had bought a too good a paint… yes!  Anyone else would have appreciated the purchase!  The best on the market!

Yes, my dreadful mistake was I bought the brand that you get a gorgeous looking wall with a single coat of paint (Dutch Boy)… so… as it didn’t feel watery, it was hard on him!  Don’t you see it was thicker than the low-priced-no-brand paint? 

So he decided to water it down… yes… the freaking parasite diluted it!  Thus spoiled it!

Not grateful at all for having given him a job, he complained, and objected to a paint that he didn’t have to go over and over on the same spot to get the job done… and, consequently, I would have ended up buying more buckets! …I don’t get these people!

Anyone else would have given his right arm to have the job, the pay, the beer and the cigarette breaks… plus… meals included!   Aarrgghh… crazy!

Okay, now… back to Pathetic SPV… ‘cuz this is where her double-crossing nature comes along again…

So there he was, this guy, painting the walls when I heard Pathetic SPV telling him, really loud: ‘Don’t work so hard… can’t you see the dogs will mess it up again?’

I mean, what?   Excuse me?  Huh???  Don’t I pay the guy to work hard and do a good job??  Viva Mexico!

Look, my glass was already way past full so… as any little bitty tiny thingy of a drop would have spilled it… and to make this long, long story shorter… one day, the best day of my life, I decided to let her go… I couldn’t put up with any more of  her dark and depressing presence, her verbal spats, the lies, the talk, and the frauds… to name a few, and decided to make it stop, at last!

Only to authenticate myself as one of the most idiotic and absurd individuals on the face of the planet.  I decided to let her go after the Christmas holiday was over… the ‘good person’ inside me talking and thinking about her feelings… thickheaded me!

I, of course, ended up as the cold hearted bitch I’ve always been… yes, the evil one in the story was, in the end, little old me!

Pathetic SPV decided to blame me for her dismissal.  Came as no surprise, really!  SPVs always point their finger towards anyone but themselves.

I released her from some of her debts and gave her some goodbye cash, just to get her to leave, once and for all… she, of course, considered suing me… yes, I’m so lucky when it comes to SPV trying to sue me whenever I raise my voice to defend myself.

So, was I a ‘good person’?  Or just plain idiotic!? (I used a stronger word in Spanish that described me so much better: PENDEJA (Pronounced Pen-Deh-Hah)… I know the answer… and yes, I was… BIG TIME!  Until enough… was enough!