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Has it ever happened to you that, no matter what you do, you don’t seem to please anyone?  Or at least the SPV featured in this story! This SPV is no laughing matter!  Well, today she is, but when this happened to me the smile withdrew from my face!

Well, let me tell you about it!  My hubby and I, along with the whole bunch of sisters, husbands, nieces and nephews, four dogs… I mean… everyone… decided to spend our vacation in a summer house at a city called Cuernavaca near Mexico City. 

And we came up with the ‘brightest’ of ideas to include this very couple to the bunch.  All paid for.  All included.  And, of course, with their children too… and I call them children in account of their severe immaturity… not their age.

And there we were… at ease, enjoying the sun, the pool, the beers and the snacks… heaven!  When this ‘added to the equation’ group begins giving out signs of SPVism.

I would have understood it if it had only been SPVism in their children… some really spoiled brats… but no… no, no, no!

First, it was the fighting between them.  If it wasn’t the T-shirt and the sun, it was the snacks and lunch time - as if a schedule were important while on vacation - I mean, everything was subject to fighting between them… mere madness… intense.

Uhhmmmm… we, the rest of us mortals, voiced while trying to reach a Zen state of mind… uhhhmmm.

OK now… that makes SPVs go bezerk… you see, your mental state is important to them, so long as it is focused on them… on nothing or no one else!

Uhhmmm… while we made some cheap jewelry with some beads and threads we bought back home to hang out and enjoy the peace and quiet at Cuernavaca… Uhhmmm…

That is, exactly, when the attention of these SPVs ‘landed’ on us mortals.  Yes, the rest of us mortals trying, serenely, to reach an absolute Zen state of mind.

It began by… breakfast being too late… and that they shared a bathroom... that the dogs had ruined one of the gazillion balls we took there.  I mean… blah, blah, blah… relentlessly trying to turn our vacation into hell!

Even when the kids wanted to go out and have fun that night was a complete chaos with these people!  Sort of: If that’s what you want… I want different!  And they succeeded.  They finally took us out of our frail and vulnerable Zen state of mind.  Uhhmmm… no more!

The intrigue begins when, the next morning, mom SPV calls my hubby towards the pool to oust her imaginary drama… while the rest of us mortals were contentedly restarting with the beads and the threads that, as I said, did nothing but keep us sort of relaxed.

• See how your wife’s sister doesn’t even talk to me and is making faces at me? - said the mom SPV to find out if she could incite some nasty feelings in my hubby against my sister.
• Who? - Asked my hubby, not believing his ears - Her???? But she’s like Switzerland… agreeable and easygoing! - Said my hubby.
• Yeah, but… your wife has ignored me since I got here - insisted the mom SPV when she realized she’d done nothing with her previous remark.
• It’s you who hasn’t mingled, you’ve been in the pool all morning - calmly replied my hubby - I’ve heard them call you over and over!
• Yeah, but… they didn’t mean it! - said the mom SPV to my gradually more anxious by the minute hubby.
• You see… we’re on vacation… relax, enjoy and let everybody do whatever it is they want to do… I can’t seem to reach you… nothing seems to please you - replied my hubby with an edgy feeling that this was not going well… but not knowing that this would burst a freaking bubble the size of the moon in the complicated minds of these SPVs.

My hubby, of course, came over to tell us, in detail, the whole drama thing and was so very sorry to have invited the group of SPVs.

When these SPVs realized that they were being the center of a conversation afar, they couldn’t resist their curiosity and, all of a sudden, they were right there, nice and chatty and snacking with the rest of us mortals… but… since sharing an audience is not their thing…

• To think that we could be in Puerto Vallarta right now - aims daddy SPV, as he came out of the pool and dried his wet self with a towel.

Aarrrggghhh!  I had to bite my tongue to stop me from saying: Well, be my guest and transfer yourself to PUERTO VALLARTA!... Ay no!  It’s one thing after the other with SPVs!  They never enjoy what they have, always complain, always whining and always without considering the extent of their words.

Without taking into account that they hadn’t come near the snack table all morning, they began a new dispute… that we didn’t leave them any shrimp, that the chips had too much salsa, that the ice was nearly melted.  I mean… the rest of us mortals had gone from the garden to the kitchen hundreds of times to get whatever we thought was required.  But not SPVs… it’s like you’re there only to serve and to worship them.  Zero enthusiasm on their part to have a good time and, on top of it all, wishing to be someplace else: Puerto Vallarta.

By dinnertime we thought that steaks would be great, grilled, along with some sausage, melted chihuahua cheese and some salsa, right?  Yeah, well… not so fast… there came the drop that filled my hubby’s glass!

The group of SPVs decided that they would wait until one - of the rest of us mortals’ - table was cleared.  There was enough room.  They didn’t want it.  God forbid if they cease feeling ‘Center of the Universe’.

My hubby, as not to make a bigger drama (as if that were possible when dealing with SPVs), decided to wait and sit with them so that, to top it all off, they didn’t say we had ‘abandoned’ them.  And there he was, my hubby, sharing… when daddy SPV lets the final drop fall into my hubby’s glass… and I mean a huge one:

• This sausage is bitter! - Says daddy SPV with great repugnance and raising his voice.
• Bitter?? - Naively asks my hubby - I think it’s delicious! - Says he with an innocent voice and face and still trying to calm things down.
• Yes, damn it!  I’m saying it’s bitter!!! - Yells daddy SPV in a really big, huge rage.

This is the precise second that my hubby cracked!  He forgot about tolerance and went ballistic:

• Hey, nothing is ever good enough for you, you are content with nothing! - Said my hubby in an altered state of mind.
• What?  Are you asking me to leave? - ‘Reasoned’ daddy SPV while raising his voice even more - Because if you are then I’m getting the hell out of here!
• Well, there’s the door… go ahead and leave! I’ve had it with you… - Responded my hubby, to daddy SPV’s logic, while pointing towards the door.

And they left.  And they took towels that didn’t even belong to them.  And harmony unfolded.  And ‘uuhhmm’ was no longer necessary.

Only 24 hours later… yes… it all happened in a period of, what seemed forever, 24 hours!  Uuhhmmm!

I’m telling you, they can’t stand your cheerfulness… because it eludes them… no matter what you do you will NEVER please an SPV.  How about you?  Would you have endured a week of that hell?