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When something is said over and over again we end up believing it… we really think that no one is going to love us the way our SPV loves us… because he/she manipulates through feelings and, there comes a time when you find yourself thinking: You can’t do it, you’re not enough, you’re not worth it…

I was at a dead end.  I had to get the hell out of that circle of SPVism but didn’t know how… you reach this turning point in which you see yourself as a tiny SPV, choking from feeling sorry for yourself.

One day, tired of it all, I spoke to someone I could call my soul mate.  Who opened my eyes, and told me what no one had dared tell me.  She hurt my pride.  She made me cry… she told the truth…

• You are there because you decided to stay - my soul mate said - so stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something.  You’re not ten years old; you’ve got the strength to say when enough has been enough and the means to succeed; only… you don’t want to!

Yes… to get it, you have to really need it… I held on to that thought, to a tomorrow directed only by me, I jumped off… like this guy in ‘City of Angels’… he, with his ‘victim’s face’ on, jumps off not knowing what will happen… but it was worth the try.

There came a time of fine-tuning and cleansing, my tribute to ‘me’ against the manipulations and selfishness of others… Ahhh!  But this thinking is far from fitting the plans that my personal SPV had for me… and war was declared!

A sea of ‘ideas’ obscured my thoughts…

• You have to forgive your SPV because she/he is suffering and needs another chance - I heard…

And how about what I want?  All of those SPVs had their chance and threw it away.  Now was my moment.  It was my time… to give myself a chance to be… just me.

Invariably, when you turn your back on your SPV, he/she maneuvers a plan; drives you out from the ‘habitat’ and the rules but… Nos importaaa?®  (Spanish for: Do we care!?)… Nop, I don’t care! Not anymore!

Time has passed and, unexpectedly, I found myself cheering someone close to me for having seen her face her SPV, in painful tears.

• But I did nothing but cry… I wanted to say more but I couldn’t! - She said.
• It’s a beginning - I said.

It took me a long time to get to the point where insults are meaningless.  It doesn’t hurt anymore because all I hear is part of the manipulation and selfish chatter… in other words… all I hear is blah, blah, and blah… in simpler words… I don’t give a damn!

Now I care about myself, about what I feel, the way I see myself in the mirror every morning.  No one and nothing can decide to change the way I face life but myself.  No one is going to come and hold my hand to say: You can do it!  God is not going to break that coconut for me, nor build that raft… I know, today, that if I don’t speak up or defend my soul from being contaminated by those manipulative, self-centered SPVs… it would be my fault and no one else’s…

I own my life, my thoughts and actions… I am the one that has to pave the way even if it’s on gravel.

I have a heart… a big one… many SPVs have entered and have tried to shut it down… I’m still standing… holding my heart on my hand…