Previous rhetoric --- Stories and rhetoric listing --- Next rhetoric

From the book: I... Victim! Condensed, very condensed... on behaviors and expressions of SPVs

I suggest you become aware of these gestures, ‘qualities’ and/or particular attitudes I’m about to mention… I’ve to tell you that one slice does not make a pie, so one alone would not make an SPV as that would, to put it in simpler words, be a wannabe… but if you sense more than one… Beware!

First of all, the face… the expression!

Something like Nicholas Cage’s face… with his eternal expression of pain!  Like out of a religious postcard. That’s called: ‘victim’s face’, which adheres to their faces whenever they have an audience.
 
The voice… the so very particular voice of an SPV!

SPVs don’t speak… they whine… with that voice… that freaking voice that gets on everyone’s nerves! You don’t know from which cartoon they got it from, but it freaks you out.  That childish, nagging, agonizing nasal voice that is so ridiculous. Just out of their wanting to seem innocent, virginal and pure… which, like the face, activates whenever their ‘herd’ of followers is before them.

Stupidity is another ‘quality’

Self-proclaimed victims (SPVs) are unable to achieve success.  They’re incompetent, mediocre, intellectually challenged… they’re unable to organize, they never do anything just for knowledge sake, they're negligent and cannot follow instructions, I mean… success equals effort so they prefer to wait for divine manna to appear.

Lethargy

SPVs are lazy.  They’re gone if you add lethargy to the equation and not only physicall but mental lethargy.  They don’t move nor seem affected by anything!  That would imply improvising, conceiving creating, thinking… getting up!

They condemn, but…

• If it’s not about me… - An SPV concludes - it’s not important!

 Their excuses and justifications

While an SPV keeps on telling him/herself that…

• He made me punch him -

…reacting to violence with words implies thinking and an SPV is incapable of doing so.

• He told me to do it! -

…how ‘bout… one can say: NO!

• I lost my house in the mudslide so now the government has to pay for damages!

…The SPV is the one who decided to build her house at the bottom of a freaking mountain!

SPVs covet everything and everyone!

Because you have, because you don’t have… because you went, because you didn’t… there’s been a couple of SPVs that have told me: You're so lucky for not having had children! …*no comment*

They’re envious because you exist.  Can’t think of another reason.